children, family, humor., kids, Life in General, parenting

Laughter in the Dark

If you were to ask me what the best sound in the word is, I would answer without hesitation, “My children laughing together.”

Some of the best moments of being a mom were simply this. I’m in bed, reading. and I hear the sound of matched giggles or outright belly laughs from the darkness of one or the other of the girls’ rooms. Instead of telling whichever one snuck out into her sister’s room to go back to bed, I just listen, reveling in the strength of their connection.

Of course, the laughter of children has a power all its own, think of the videos of a baby laughing on social media. That gurgling, unfettered sound of pure delight that produces fine bubbles in your stomach that rise up through your chest, tickling as they swirl, hooking the corners of your lips and lifting your mouth into a smile before they pop with a sparkle that shines in your eyes.

And that’s just some random toddler. I believe the happiness of our children gives us such a deep sense of joy for several reasons.

One, it means we have done our job and the kids are happy, safe, and most likely healthy.

Two, it reminds us of our own more innocent times. I hear that amusement and am catapulted back, maybe I’m lying on a trampoline with my sister staring at an infinity of stars and giggling at nothing and everything until exhaustion sets in. Maybe I’m listening to my dad’s stomach growl while he lies on the floor watching TV while my sibs and I press our ears to his tummy. Funniest thing ever. No worries, no tomorrow, no sorrow. Just that hysterical moment of swooping, free-falling ecstasy.

Three, laughter releases chemicals that make us feel good. Especially our own. I’ve actually been able to combat depression by just plain faking laughter until I actually started laughing at the whole ridiculous process. Try it, it works.

But whatever the reason, much like the Grinch, my heart grows two sizes whenever I even think of those moments, which I do quite often.

Last weeks, the girls came to visit for Thanksgiving. We hiked, and set off fireworks on the beach, and ate truffles with everything from eggs to soufflés. The boyfriends came with, so Joseph and I were more like a backdrop than the main attraction. That’s what happens when they grow up, they branch out from family, on whom their very survival used to depend, to the peers who will keep them surviving and thriving in life beyond their parents. My girls are loving and attentive and grateful, but the parent-child dynamic changes, as it should, when they head off into the great blue horizon that is their life without me.

I suppose I’m a bit different from many moms, certainly different from my sisters, who feel that their kids are an extension of themselves that they can shape into a certain type of person like human Playdough. I don’t mean to be derogatory, they are both amazing mothers, it’s just a different perspective. I knew from the first moment I looked into my older daughter’s eyes when they handed her to me on the delivery table that she was her own person with her own journey ahead. I knew she was already thinking and feeling things vastly different from my own soaring emotions. I’ve always been honored to be a part of it. I’m here to help row, blow wind in their sails, or even bail out the high water when it’s needed, but ultimately the journey and the experiences belong to them.

It makes me happy just to think it. What remarkable humans they are, compassionate, open, intelligent, funny, caring, everything I could have wanted. Sure they make fun of me, you should see them both doing an impression of my face when I got really mad, it’s hysterical. My views on life are questioned and often argued, which is all for the good. I never wanted carbon copies of me, I wanted originals, and that is what they are. That’s what all children are really, it’s just that some parents don’t get that for a long time, sadly some never do. Perhaps it’s painful for a parent to realize that these individuals to whom you gave everything go on without you, but I bet it’s a lot harder to have to hide who you really are from your own parents.

So when my girls sigh when I make a statement they don’t agree with, or demand that I stop talking about something because it makes them uncomfortable, I acknowledge that truth and shift. Joseph and I spend more time watching them interact with the world than we do interacting with them. We wrap an arm around each other and smile at these young adults, so sure of their knowledge and their place, and we feel good. We’ve done well to teach them to be themselves and to be confident in that. We exchange knowing glances when they question themselves and the world around them, nodding encouragement. Never stop questioning, my darlings, always ask for more.

The holiday was wonderful, we shared so much, including time just spent together without any motive or purpose, only comfortable co-habitation.

And when they sat on the deck after sunset overlooking the moon on Puget Sound we stayed inside, listening to the animated conversation, and when the laughter broke out in rolls and waves, we looked into each other’s eyes and smiled.

There’s nothing better than hearing the laughter of your children in the dark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life in General

Leftover Lovin’

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Here’s two of my nephews on the hunt. Be berry berry qwiet. Wabbit!

Whew! What a whirlwind Thanksgiving. One thing I love about Joseph and my families is the interesting mixture of people and kids with whom we have the joy of sharing the holidays! Thank goodness they all helped cook, and the plethora of food was almost embarrassing. My brother Dwayne, who produces both “Madmen” and “Magic City” and is a wonderful cook, took over the timing in the kitchen and got everything to the table in a timely manner. “We need gravy on the set!” “Flying in!” Once a producer, always a producer! 

The kids spent the day on the trampoline, searching for frogs, on the hillside smashing pumpkins, (not the band, we do this to share with the forest animals, and some of the seeds may root for next year!) I watched several ‘plays’ from the girls, which lasted all of thirty giggling seconds, worked on some stage fighting with the boys when they found Joseph’s stage swords, threw baseballs, picked oranges off the tree to make gallons of orange juice, (they love this!) and roasted marshmallows! Double whew! 

And now, the rest of the house is sleeping, and I’m up, wondering what to do with the leftovers that I couldn’t pack up for the others to take home. And here are some ideas! 

Stuffing balls. These can be done several ways. The kid’s favorite is this; take a small cube of cheese, pack it into a meatball sized ball of stuffing, (If it won’t stick, add an egg or two to the stuffing!) roll it in bread crumbs and fry it in a bit of olive oil, turning to brown evenly. If you are ambitious, you can add an outside layer of breakfast sausage before the breadcrumbs, serve hot! 

Turkey Crepes I won’t give a crepe recipe, it’s easy to find. Take the stripped clean turkey, and put it in water, bring to a boil then simmer for a good while. Strain the liquid, discard the bones, and bring the broth to a boil to reduce by at least half. You want a very flavorful broth. (this has the added joy of filling the house with that turkey cooking smell again!) take about two cups of the liquid, add a cup or so of half and half, a half cup of grated parmesan, half a pack of cream cheese, enough of a paste of flour and cornstarch combined to thicken it, stir to prevent clumping! Once it’s creamy, add in leftover turkey pieces, diced red pepper, peas if you like. Fill the crepes with the mixture, sprinkle with paprika and extra parmesan. Yummy! 

I’m not big on exacting recipes as you can see, but I think it’s fun to be creative, wing it! 

The best part of my thanksgiving was after everyone had left and I could hear my two girls in the bedroom next to mine. They were laughing together for a long time. The music of that to a mom is something that reverberates through you. Every time I would hear a blast of laughter, something in my body sang out. I thought to myself, I don’t know if I will ever be able to write that feeling. Some things in life are so all encompassing that even the most eloquent among us can only scratch out a stick figure sketch of the magnificent art that life is. 

But I’ll keep at it. Listening, loving, writing, sharing, being overwhelmed with gratitude. 

If only I could find the words. 

Shari,  November 23, 2012