Life in General

LIfe’s Little Sequels.

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The joy and reward of doing the right thing.

Three times now I’ve been asked to write sequels to books I hadn’t planned. Now that I’m just finishing up a sequel for “Invisible Ellen” which I really hadn’t originally planned, I realize, once again, that there is almost always more to say. Returning to characters and story lines and fleshing them out, having the chance to take them in a new direction is a real gift. There are two kinds of sequels, those that forward the characters and their lives, and those where the characters remain the same, but the mystery or plot line changes. 

Sounds like life. Sometimes, for instance in jobs or friendships, we continue to personally grow and change, giving ourselves up to new opportunities and hopefully becoming better-rounded individuals (character development). Other times, say family holidays, the characters remain the same, but the situations and dramas alter, change, rock, and resettle. (plot device)

Let me give you a life example. Over a year ago, I mentioned in a blog that my ex wasn’t paying for college. His new wife attacked me heartily, writing a blog about me entitled, “Jealously”, the theme of which is that my entire life is based on my debilitating awe of her. What I’m supposed to be jealous of, I’m still not sure, but you have to understand and forgive that that’s how narcissists are, they honestly think your life is about them, not you. They don’t see past themselves. The entire thing would have been an amusing bit of fiction if not for the fact that it deeply hurt my daughters and my husband. But I kept telling them that we all knew the truth and nothing else is real. But it was such an unreal, unthinking act from a woman who should have had their best interest at heart that, in trying to understand it, I learned so much, enriching my mental list of extreme characters. 

Ultimately we let it pass, I encouraged my girls to forgive, and we moved on. Now comes the sequel. My husband and I pay for college. I helped my daughter hunt for colleges, went to visit them, filled out the stacks of paperwork, moved her in, moved her out. I talk her down off the ledge when work is overwhelming, cuddle and spoil her when she desperately needs R&R, was there to share the hugs and tears at the end of her first year, moved her into her new apartment, and I loved every second. Now here’s the kicker, I have always had the most amazing relationship with my daughter but helping her through the college-slash-growing experience has deepened and rounded and smoothed our love until I stand overwhelmed and silenced by blessing and gratitude. In short, I support my girls and my life is richer for it. I have no anger or residual animosity from that silly attack because, simply, I am happy. I do what I want because I love to do it and it is exactly what I want to do. I adore sharing all that I have. What else is there?  What else is it for? 

I am the lucky one. That’s the sequel. 

It’s the same in writing. There must be dilemmas and challenges to discomfit your characters, evil-hearted people to throw spanners in the path, sociopaths who damage without conscious, it’s sometimes as difficult to write as it is to live, but then, as writers, we can pull our characters out of these situations, elevate them, make them victorious, or sometimes, just accept life as it is and be happy. Just like in life.

My character Ellen is not a pretty girl. She is not a particularly talented one. But she is an exceptional human being, by the miracle of her very survival. She finds joy in watching the small dramas and kindnesses of others, in doing small favors for people who may never even know she exists. 

And she’s all right with that. 

So when you write, be it your book or your life, remember that ultimately, it’s about you. No matter if people like your book, or lie about you in public media, it doesn’t matter. What matters, and what will make you happy, is doing what you do because it’s right for you. If you ever find yourself doing something to hurt someone else, think again, it won’t work. Their happiness is not based on you. 

But here’s the greatest thing. No matter what happens in your life, you can use it to make a better story. No matter how frightened, or angry or sad you may be if you are an artist, in writing, acting, or in life, it’s all fodder. Or, well, humorously put, all the BS is fertilizer, and your story, your characters, and your day to day personality grow from the choices you make about how to deal with it. 

Want richer characters? Delve into why someone resents you so much. (hint, it’s about their lacking) Want stronger plot lines? Examine the motives behind indignant rage. (hint, they feel no control.) It’s the small things that affect the big picture. And in the end, the big picture is made up of the small stuff. Take a step back and really look at it. 

As writers we have to get into the heads of so many characters, if we don’t find some truth, something real, then those people will not ring true, they will be shallow and uninteresting. So explore your own motives, and then sit back, disconnect, and explore. Examine others, but mostly, examine yourself. 

Don’t judge, that leads to preachy writing, and nobody enjoys that. (Bless my editors for scaling me back there!) Just understand it, justify it, even the bad behavior. You can’t write or act ‘bad guys’ if you don’t understand their motivations. If you can stand back and observe it, like Ellen does, you won’t have to take it personally to write it personally. 

And remember, there’s always a sequel. 

 

Shari, May 15th, 2014

 

Life in General, Nature: Hiking, Wildlife & More

Snakes without Fangs

Snakes without Fangs

I posted a picture on FB of me holding a snake I found on a trail and the comments were interesting. It was clear that people are afraid of the snake, not because it can hurt them or because it’s poisonous, but because it’s a snake. There’s one kind of snake that survives by imitating a rattle snake, the rat snake. That trick works in nature, other animals are fooled, but with humans, well, let’s face it, they just try to kill it anyways.

That’s nothing but ignorance and media gullibility. Snakes do not chase you down, like in Anaconda. (Except maybe black mambas, and I try to steer clear of them.) And living with these amazing creatures is a joy and a gift. I’m no snake expert, but I have bothered to learn what’s dangerous and isn’t in the area where I live and hike, and my life is richer for it. That’s just smart. If I lived in the Serengeti I wouldn’t take a stroll out into lion territory without some way to escape or a knowledge of where the lions are hunting that day.

I relate this fear of the unknown to so many people I know, and things that have happened recently. People get bitten by snakes for two reasons, they step on it, or they poke at it with a stick. If they weren’t afraid of it, they’d take a picture and move on.

Where did we get this fear of what we don’t understand? I recently had someone make a slew of accusations about me on the web, and trust me, it’s not easy to read a bunch of lies about yourself, your husband, and your children. It was someone who thinks she has reason to fear me, and was hissing to try to strike back, but in truth, I see her and her comments, as the fangless, harmless snake poop that they are and the behavior as that of a baser type of creature. Information is a good thing. I know not to fear a rat snake, or even a rattle snake if I’m aware. I know I’m a good mom who works very hard and has made choices in her life to make less money in the short run in favor of a life filled with community and art and mom-ness. I was raised with money, so it isn’t such a motivator for me as it is to someone who comes from nothing. I have a loving family, so I understand that someone who doesn’t, can’t relate to the value of that over a bigger house. Yes, those are my choices. If I wanted what someone else had, trust me, I would have it. I have exactly what I want, a loving, talented, husband, an unbreakable bond with my daughters, my writing, my many incredible friends, and a beautiful home that is a place of laughter, nature, and retreat. I want for nothing, I have an amazing life. Everyday I am thankful for it.

These choices might be impossible for someone to grasp who hasn’t got it. Jewelry and cars cannot replace true accomplishment and contentment, I know this because I have had so much of both. But how would someone know that when they are looking at life through eyes that see only the preconceived? It’s like the harmless rat snake, it can’t hurt you, but you fear it out of ignorance, because you were taught that they’re scary, or worse, because it serves you to try to scare others with the falsehood.

Can’t you just hear that human’s rattle going? The hiss, hiss, of the upset reptile, which really means, of course, “I’m afraid of you, stay away.”

So, as much as I might like to poke certain snake people with a sharp stick, I know better not to, I learned that from snakes. And, come on, it’s just common sense. I’ll keep admiring the real snakes and ignoring the human ones.

So, in conclusion, don’t fear the noise, don’t fear the scales, look at the snake, see how beautiful the pattern of its skin is? How beautifully it moves through the grass?

And the rattle goes, trrrrrrrrrr. Sounds like music to me, part of the symphony of life. Rich, stark, profound and trite, it is all magnificent.

Don’t fear snakes, fear ignorance.

Or just accept that we live with both, and be happy.

Shari, 10-6-2012