my blog

The Third Act

If there's one thing I've always been able to count on it's that I have more to do. More to create, to live, to experience. And so, when you find yourself presented with the option of time running out, of possibilities thinning and horizons growing hazy, it comes as a...

Lost Seasons, Perfect Days.

Today it is raining in slivers of silver and the sky, white and pearly, seems more a tantalizing veil of depth than an opaque discouragement. My husband feels well enough to work a bit in the garage and so, while I have this time and energy, I will tell you the story...

Modeling for Myself

If you are a regular member of my super exclusive club, (uh, social media friend) you might have noticed that over the last year or so I’ve done a series of photos of me wearing fancy dresses in unlikely locations. Or maybe, like the shot above, I’m just being silly...

How You Like Me Na-ow?!

    I suppose I must be mellowing in my old age. The other day some woman went off at me for letting a door close on her, though she was ten feet from it and I had no idea she was even going into the same store, and instead of going full bitch back, like I...

I Didn’t Order This

I find myself stuck in a kind of limbo, and I know I’m not alone.  I want to write, to be creative, to offer love and support to others in greater need than myself during these tough times, but it seems there is little I can do to escape the sodden feeling of...

An Elk Ate My Brussels Sprouts.

No, really. I was just bragging to hubby about how smart I was to leave the last few stalks in the garden as it would provide yummy fresh-from-the-earth vegies, when I went to pick some. Pride comes before the fall. I stood looking at the mess made of all my efforts...

Rain and Ashes

One thing I do not miss about raising my daughters is the homework. Relearning math in a whole new, convoluted way, dealing with tears and bad internet, early mornings at the Coco's so they could submit their work, the constant nagging to get it done. Though they have...

So this is Sixty.

  Funny, I don't feel any different than yesterday. I'm a decade baby. I was born in 60 and now I'm 60, which is numerically cool. Everyone is acting like this is big deal, but you have to understand that without everyone reminding me that this is a 'big'...

Searching the Blue

This blue is the color of hope. For such a long time I've been asleep. Not the easy, restful sleep that knits up the raveled sleeve of care, but an exhausted slumber, half aware and half nightmare. I'm not the only one, of course. I thought I was almost through it,...

Smiling in Solitude

Since we’ve been in what I like to call, Consideration-for-others-because-I’m-not-an-asshole Lockdown, few of us have bothered much to get out of pajamas, much less dress up. That’s fine by me! I’m a writer so comfy jeans and a sweater are my go-to grabs in the...

Nothing Left to Do but Beg.

Whoo hoo! New book coming out, rejoice, it’s written, edited, copy-edited, formatted, ready to release April fourth. My work is done! Oh…wait. Incoming insecurity and realization of my utter and complete lack of promotional savvy buffet the flimsy walls of my...

Perfect Lives

Isn’t it interesting how many people have perfect lives? To judge from my relatives’ posts on social media, nothing happens but bringing home trophies, straight A’s and loving family gatherings. They like smiling and church and friends and their fabulous houses and...

The Brilliance of Light on Snow.

Snow falls and swirls in puffs or icy shards, it smooths the surface of the world in a way that would seem to dim shapes and steal color. It makes everything look the same, dull and uniform. But look again, each flake has the opalescent quality made of icicles, of...

I’ll Take the Rain

When's the last time you took off for the airport after paying full price for a last minute plane ticket to nurse someone who fell and broke three ribs and then got accused of being a fraud for doing it? Anyone? Anyone? This just after spending two days at a hospital...

River of Gold

I know some people don’t like rain, but after living 35 years in Los Angeles, every time it rains at our new home in Washington State I cannot stop smiling. The energetic atmosphere, the wind, the moisture, and most of all the sky itself thrill and amaze me. Every...

Laughter in the Dark

If you were to ask me what the best sound in the word is, I would answer without hesitation, “My children laughing together.” Some of the best moments of being a mom were simply this. I’m in bed, reading. and I hear the sound of matched giggles or outright belly...

Three Nipples and Me.

I'm a big fan of 'Good Omens.' Some of my favorite funny moments come when the Witchfinder Major constantly demands of his new recruit, "How many nipples?" if the young man tells him he came across anyone new, as more than two would be proof positive of evil sorcery....

Fickle Fame Flavor

    I haven’t been active in acting or public life for over ten years now, so suffice to say that I was very surprised to get an offer for a ‘celebrity’ appearance for a charity even in Abu Dabi. The offer came through the correct channels, the charity name...

A Bright Orange Day

Often, when I was in second grade arithmetic, I would look up from my endless worksheets designed to discourage and disinterest would-otherwise-have-become astrophysicists, to wonder at my teacher’s hair. These were the sixties, and the ultimate goal of hair styling...

But What I Really Want To Do Is Write.

helping with taxes. Today is a lovely rainy day, the perfect time to hunker down with a cup of coffee next to me and couple of cats draped randomly about and work on my current novel. It takes a bit to get myself all set, nudging my felines into a keyboard-adjacent...

Fun with Other People’s Kids.

I can’t resist engaging with kids. They seem to be the people I most want to meet. My girls call me the baby whisperer, okay, sometimes they use the term 'baby stalker' based on some of the looks I get from wary  care givers when I address a four year old in the check...

The Myth of Measuring Time.

  Happy New Year! So whoo hoo, it’s a click of the clock, a difference of dates on an arbitrary calendar, a ‘new’ beginning. Such anticipation, so much celebration, so many champagne corks popped, advertising sold, intentions stated, and pressure applied to have...

Laughing at Christmas Past

  Many years ago my father divorced my mom after thirty years of marriage effectively shattering our family’s holiday traditions. Hey, it happens, and instead of trying to force a pale imitation of Christmas pasts, my mom read somewhere that it would help to make...

Destiny Always Leads

  I hadn’t planned to go to Prescott Arizona, but when one of my husband’s few remaining relatives took a fall and relapsed from her brain surgery, I grabbed a carryon, threw in a few sweaters and headed for the airport. I didn’t want to go to the deep red state,...

There’s Treasure Everywhere!

  I was a tomboy, still am, kind of. Climbing trees, building forts, turning boxes into foil wrapped spaceships, pine cone fights with the neighborhood kids, (yes, it always ended in tears) these were all the activities of an average Saturday. But the best days...

Traveling Sex

  Admit it, the best thing about vacation is the sex. Sure, my husband and I have fantastic sex at home, but there’s just something about sharing a new adventure, a new view, a new country, a new bed even, that I find erotically stimulating. Let’s back up a sec....

Learning to Fall

  Recently, one of my most talented and positive friends asked on Facebook, “How do you reset when you are blue and stressed?” Wow, great question and there were many wise and humorous suggestions posted, most of them featured nature, music, or watching other...

Controlling Myself in Ireland

    Ah travel, the thrill of new places and faces, the strange twang of English words twisted with accents that render them unrecognizable to the American ear, the savory surprises of foreign food, the heart-lifting vistas new to these old eyes, and, of...

And Now, for Some Fun Stuff.

With both girls off to college, my husband and I decided it was time to live a simpler life with less to worry about and take care of. It came to this. We had too much stuff and it was weighing us down, anchoring us to one place and we wanted to lift off, fly, to...

Breathing Underwater-or surviving giving a shit.

So I’m having a bad day, like you do. It’s not so much that bad things are happening to me as it is that anything that does happen is being processed through my filters as emotional torture. You know the kind of thing, someone is rude at the grocery store and you...

The Swirling Reds

      There is a moment in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” where Holly Go Lightly says she gets the reds and is corrected, “I think you mean the blues.” But she knows very well that she means the ‘reds’. I do too. It’s that muddy anxiety that starts with...

Just for You.

My husband and I recently gave ourselves the gift of a few days in Yosemite National Park. There were jaw-dropping vistas, cliffs so dramatic they make you weep, waterfalls that remind you how mortal you are, and rivers and trees that murmur the blessings of Mother...

Losing Diamonds, Finding Love

    We were in Hawaii when my sister’s first husband proposed to her. She didn’t know it was coming, but I did, so I took my four year daughter and followed them out to the beach where we could watch from a discrete distance. Creason was so amped up with...

The Honor of Weeping.

  For many years I have been one of the directors of a charity that assists pediatric cancer patients and their families. In that time I have learned so much about myself, suffering, kindness, courage, life, and most importantly death. I cannot now look at a...

Categorically Wrong Again.

Whenever someone finds out I'm a writer, (because I tell them) their first question is always, "What do you write?" by which they mean, 'what genre?' How do I sum up my work in a word? I wish someone would tell me. If you've read "Invisible Ellen" you'll know why....

Sleeping Dangerously

  Put me on the ludicrously injured list. No I didn’t slip on a banana peel or walk into a glass door, or get cool whip in my eyes from a pie in the face. The source of my injury is even more ridiculous than a badly executed pratfall, worse than poorly planned...

The Fowl Revolution

  For the last couple years, every time I visited a certain area of my daughter’s campus, my car was attacked by a turkey. He was an angry, brave little dude, darting fearlessly into the street and pecking ruthlessly at the tires on a mysterious mission that we...

Please Forget Me When I’m Gone.

  I watch a man, a father I think, pushing a baby in a stroller who is maybe a year old.The father rolls his son right to the edge of the sidewalk overlooking the crashing surf below so that there is nothing but salty air between the child and the sea. He...

Same Ol’ Song, Different Fools

    Stressed? Furious that so many idiots dare to express their absolute stupidity on your Facebook? Shaken to your core by the ignorance and dishonesty of fake news? Rendered hopeless by the gullibility of fools? Lost all faith in (fill in the blank) our...

Sexier than Thou. An Effed-up Value.

Tired of being compared to a barnyard animal for those extra pounds? Sick to death of being ranked against every other woman at your office, school, or neighborhood? Infuriated by the fact that men routinely troll strong women of amazing quality, intelligence, and...

Tapestry of Lives

  There’s a thrift store I frequent in the little town of Felton CA. In this one stoplight town, in a barn-sized store, at a square counter, works a woman. At first glance she is unremarkable. She is pleasant looking, but not beautiful. She is older, but not old....

Skipping Middle Age

  Recently I posted a picture of myself with no make up or photo shop tricks, and a fan from my movie days commented, “Wow! You look so different.” Really? I look different than I did thirty-five years ago after teams (meaning multiple people in each) of hair and...

Shouting Out of Cars

    I’ve been in Santa Cruz for several months now (you can tell by the shoes) and I can’t help noticing that people are nicer here. They make eye contact and smile, they chat with ‘strangers’ in groups, they offer quiet compliments in passing, they have...

Double Happiness

  One of my great anxieties this past year was that both my daughters would graduate, one from high school and the other from college, on the same day 300 miles apart. I can do a lot of things, but being in two places at once isn't on that list. Generally a...

Log Jamming for Idiots

  It's a lovely day in Santa Cruz and my husband, daughter, her boyfriend John, and I decide to take Thor from the RV to the 'dog beach' where he can run around, trouble is, it's high tide, which we don't yet know...

Why I Need to Get My Head Examined

You might think it's because I hang off the edge of cliffs, and that's probably a good enough reason. But then there's this. Three days ago, I get a call from my sister that my mom has fallen, smashed her head and has no memory of how it happened or what's going on....

The Courage of Kindness

The longer I live, the more I realize that only two things really count, Kindness and Courage. Frame it anyway you want to, if you just make those two character traits something you give a fuck about, it will change the world around you. Take today. We had to move our...

Surviving a Virtual Sh*t Storm

  We’re into our second month of traveling trailer life, and for us newbies, it’s been a challenge, to say the least. Joseph and I are veterans at handling household emergencies ranging from forest fires and mud slides to living without heat or water for months...

Working Wounded

I don’t think I'm alone. It’s hard to throw myself into a new book while the world is churning with hatred and fear. Hell, with all the selfish ugliness that’s been unmasked in our society right now, it’s hard to keep any faith in humanity as a whole. I find myself...

The Long Kiss Hello

  For twelve years, my family has lived in an amazing home, ten acres with mountain views cradled by the Angeles Forest, yet only minutes away from Los Angeles proper. Our daughters grew up here, able to spend their days outside in nature and beauty instead of...